“Do you love me?”

“Do you love me?”


We met the usual way for people of our age: a drinking and dancing night at a bar. I could I have missed you wearing that really short black skirt and the sleaveless top. I think the first thing I notice in you was your bellybutton. I never saw such a beautiful bellybutton before and never seen another one so beautiful all these years after.
I was looking at you like every men in that bar but I was the one you glanced at, but I thought it was the beer.
Still today I have no idea of where I got the guts to make the move. All the other easy guys were being backed-off and the experienced ones were say that you were no good, not looking for it that night. But I guess it was really the beer that made me move. Also knowing the bartender helped impressing you. How could I ever guessed you were a vodka-with-cranberry-juice-type of girl?
“The best way to get a girl's attention is to ignore her!” This was the conclusion of a long discussion with many of my girl friends. But the problem is to get your attention first so you realize you are being ignored. So the move was so subtle, so well planned in my dreams that I could have never wished for it to work better. So I grabbed your vodka with cranberry juice and waited for you to be ready to order another one. I approached you and I know I said the right words and left. I went back to my friends and acted as nothing happened. Of course our eyes sparked a couple of times during the night, but I needed to wait for the right moment, the right chain of actions so I could get that right reaction.
When the moment came I just reached the counter and sat by your side just to order a drink. And the payback was coming – you said the first words and after a few tens of minutes I had your number and your name and your attention. It was time to go home and keep playing the game.
It's so amazing how a game can be so fun and so dangerous.
After that night we had it all: the wild first night of sex; the resting time; the second night and the third and all the other ones after and all the discussions and reconciliations. We had a relationship but at the same time we never said we had it. There was no obligation but there was understanding. We fought over nothing and because of everything. We were a happy couple and at the same time complete strangers and it was working just fine. We pretended that we had no feelings, we were just “friends” of occasion and it lasted for so many moons, and the same moon came back again and again and again.
But one day with the moon hiding behind the rainy clouds all my ghosts returned with those four words: “Do you love me?”.
Why? Why you had to use them like that. You could have said something so beautiful and less cruel and painful like: “You do love me!” or “You love me do!”. You could even had made no sense at all: “You me do love!” or go for a melodic approach: “Love you do me!”. But no, you chose the worst order possible, you had a question mark and you were really expecting an answer.
I remember you leaving before the tears started to drop and I assume I didn't want to get that last glimpse of you. I wanted to keep that wonderful laugh and that radiating smile as the last image of you.
I guess my silence said what I couldn't say, but you heard something so different and I never had the guts to call you back. Yes I loved you but I couldn't hurt you!
The alarm clock went on and I woke up in pain. I was feeling so empty I couldn't dare to move or open my eyes. But you felt that emptiness even in your dreams and hugged me and all I could say was: Yes, I do love you!”