My days, My love! Our love? Our life?

"Another morning and that means less one day to see you again!
If I don't wake up in the middle of the night with the text message sound or the cell phone ring I always think I could have slept into it. I check both my cells just to be sure. Maybe I left one on silence mode before falling asleep. But no, no surprises this morning.
I lower the level of the alarm clock, turn on the TV on the weather channel and chose the appropriate clothes to put on and go outside for the morning smoke. Most of the times the pyjama and the sky blue bath rope is good enough. While I have my smoke the images of waking up by your side, the warmth fills my whole body. I tingle and I like it. It's time to come back and get ready for another day of science or just time killing and pretending to work.
I walk to work with our songs in my ears and I'm thundered by images of us, images of when there was a we. Sometimes I smile. Other times I have to fight against the will to cry. But the shades always helped. I grab my morning coffee and go to the computer room. The possibility of having an email from you made me walk faster than usual.
Sometimes, if I have a text during the night I know I'll have your words waiting for me in the morning. That always cheers my day and I can't help having a smile on my face. Sometimes your words are cold or there're no words at all and even in the most bright spring day I seem to be unable to see the sun and the beauty of the day.
I text you just to let you know I'm thinking about you. Not that I think you don't know that already, but I know how reassuring can be to know someone is thinking about you, even if it is on the other side of the world.
Until I get an answer from you I check my cell phone once in a while (I think I sometimes get a bit too excited and tend to check it almost every 5 minutes, but I always try to have an excuse to do so, so no one realizes I'm expecting anything).
Sometimes your words don't come for hours and I worry. Maybe something happened. I call you and when I can't talk to you and you don't call back I worry even more, I get desperate if I had no text, no email, no answer to the text and no answer to my call. It's painful to see the world spinning and going and there's nothing you can do. Things happen that can change my life and there's nothing I can do except sit and watch and wait. Feel the pain growing inside, feeling my heart breaking into pieces, but just watch.
Eventually I get words from you. In a very lucky day I get to listen to your voice, see you. And if I have the chance to see you or chat with you I speed up my time, speed up my work so that I can be online on time to spend a good couple of hours tricking my brain and feeling you so close...
We talk, sometimes we fight. Lately we fight a lot. It's always because of the same subject. I guess I'm just too possessive about something I don't have. I had, we had something beautiful and I don't want it to end. I believe you still want it too but I don't know, I guess you don't know either.
I'm home or I just walk home. I know I'll have an email back and I can't wait for that and for those wonderful minutes I spend writing you back, still smelling your skin, still hearing your laugh, still feeling your warmth.
I painfully look at the clock so that the time to sleep comes and another day goes by.
I text you and wish you a great day so that you can have a smile on your face. I just love the way you look when you are happy and smiling!
It's time to sleep. I close the doors and turn of the lights. There are dreams waiting for me!"