There's a certain "je ne sais quois" in the emptiness of heart, in the fulfillment of platonic feelings and no strings holding us back. It is so much easier when one can love freely without thinking too much, without the constant constrictions of cultural boundaries and behavioral rules. Love, open hearted and free minded is just such a gift and at the same time such a curse to be trapped in a vicious cycle of platonic passions and surreal dreams of perfection and happiness and impossible lives.
Some days it is all about sunshines and bright light in someone's eyes; a beautiful smile at the cafeteria, a sweet aroma on the skin of a beautiful girl coming in the elevator... Some day it's all about perfection: no commitment, no expectations, no restrains.
Other days I actually get a chance to speak, am obliged to speak, interact. Those are the days when the perfection is destroyed, and the dreams start approaching reality, scaring the shit out of me. Because one thing is to dream about a perfect love with a perfect stranger, love at first sight. Another thing is to actually start realizing that that person you saw in the elevator is friend of a friend and in 5 minutes will be sitting at your table, throwing her hand at you with a name and "pleasure to meet you!". The impossible dream is now one step closer to reality and sometimes reality can be very scary.
So between good and bad days, between perfection and fear of reality, sometimes a true, unexpected love comes along, kicking you to outer space, uncertain of reality and dreams. And that's when you forget it all, dig head first and just hope for the best!
Some days it is all about sunshines and bright light in someone's eyes; a beautiful smile at the cafeteria, a sweet aroma on the skin of a beautiful girl coming in the elevator... Some day it's all about perfection: no commitment, no expectations, no restrains.
Other days I actually get a chance to speak, am obliged to speak, interact. Those are the days when the perfection is destroyed, and the dreams start approaching reality, scaring the shit out of me. Because one thing is to dream about a perfect love with a perfect stranger, love at first sight. Another thing is to actually start realizing that that person you saw in the elevator is friend of a friend and in 5 minutes will be sitting at your table, throwing her hand at you with a name and "pleasure to meet you!". The impossible dream is now one step closer to reality and sometimes reality can be very scary.
So between good and bad days, between perfection and fear of reality, sometimes a true, unexpected love comes along, kicking you to outer space, uncertain of reality and dreams. And that's when you forget it all, dig head first and just hope for the best!
1 comment:
And even when you don't want to feel this impossible, unexpected, platonic passion... it doesn't go away...!
I think I'll just... be.
:)
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