Crónicas - Chronicles

Assim é o amor!

2009-03-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

Pois o dia até estava quente, com nuvens azuis no céu, e uma brisa suave e sufocante. A noite foi escaldante! Ver-te, sentir-te, beijar-te, abraçar-te, conhecer-te pela primeira vez!!!
Parece longinquo esse dia de verão quase morte, esse dia que anunciava muito mais as cores fortes de Outono que o escaldate sol de Verão. Mas por muito longinquo que seja tenho em mim a memória desse dia, e do dia que se seguiu, e do outro e do outro: AMO-TE!!! E esse é o melhor sonho, um sonho do qual não se acorda, apenas se morre, um sonho que se vive cada segundo o mais intensamente possivel... És e serás sempre o meus sonho, a minha vida, o meu todo e o meu mais que tudo. És a culpa da minha felicidade, és a mãe dos meus sonhos e serás a mãe dos nossos filhos. Lado a lado seremos pais, seremos avós, e um dia, quem sabe, seremos velhos, sorrindo, de mão dada, como se o tempo nunca tivesse passado...

2008-10-24T21:56:00.002-06:00

love can be beautiful and tough, as hard as love can get: with all the fights and all the reconciliations and make up sex and love and kisses...
I can never tell you how much I love you 'till someone creates a language that can reflects all I feel for you!!!
I will love you, always did ad always did... and one day you'll feel it too...
Until that day comes... I will just love you!!!

A drawing long time ago

2008-08-13T22:36:00.002-06:00

A long time ago, so long ago I can't really remember how old was I back then, you gave me something. From the beauty of your mind and the perfection of your hands a form of art was born. You drew little Asterix whining, arms laced on top of his belly. You told me it reminded you of me when I whine. You told me I should think of it next time something or someone upsets me and I should smile, just think of it and smile.
For months in a row, maybe years, who knows, I kept growing and arguing and whining and complaining... but only for a few seconds. Then, after a few seconds, minutes, that drawing of yours would come into my mind, my memory would not betray me, and I could even remember the smile on your face, the bright in your eyes when I opened the envelope with your drawing inside.
For years to follow I lost parts of the child in me, lost the freedom of the heart, the freedom of the ones who love without the stupidity of grownups, and the memory of that drawing disappeared from my mind, but most of all from my life. I'd miserably pass by the days, miserably argue and let myself consume by guilt or reason and burn myself anyway.
But today, maybe because the sun was shining blue with beautifully carved clouds in the horizon... maybe one of the clouds looked like Asterix and the memory came back.
Now, now I hope that every time an argument grays my days, little whiner come by my mind and will make me smile!

Platonic passions or the fear or being really in love

2008-08-12T22:26:00.005-06:00

There's a certain "je ne sais quois" in the emptiness of heart, in the fulfillment of platonic feelings and no strings holding us back. It is so much easier when one can love freely without thinking too much, without the constant constrictions of cultural boundaries and behavioral rules. Love, open hearted and free minded is just such a gift and at the same time such a curse to be trapped in a vicious cycle of platonic passions and surreal dreams of perfection and happiness and impossible lives.
Some days it is all about sunshines and bright light in someone's eyes; a beautiful smile at the cafeteria, a sweet aroma on the skin of a beautiful girl coming in the elevator... Some day it's all about perfection: no commitment, no expectations, no restrains.
Other days I actually get a chance to speak, am obliged to speak, interact. Those are the days when the perfection is destroyed, and the dreams start approaching reality, scaring the shit out of me. Because one thing is to dream about a perfect love with a perfect stranger, love at first sight. Another thing is to actually start realizing that that person you saw in the elevator is friend of a friend and in 5 minutes will be sitting at your table, throwing her hand at you with a name and "pleasure to meet you!". The impossible dream is now one step closer to reality and sometimes reality can be very scary.
So between good and bad days, between perfection and fear of reality, sometimes a true, unexpected love comes along, kicking you to outer space, uncertain of reality and dreams. And that's when you forget it all, dig head first and just hope for the best!

Inspiration

2008-08-10T18:56:00.002-06:00

There are good days, bad days, lots of ugly days. And that is life to you, and me, and everyone I am pleased to know and share a little bit more than just existence and survival.

But there days, days a bit like today when it's not too warm or too cold, the sky is blue with clouds here and there and the sun just shines. An in these days you come shining and smiling and I can't help but feel lucky and blessed and inspired. And inspired as I am and feel I just write, endless words of joy, sometimes sadness (because life is made of both), but most important of all I write again. I let my finger move as freely as my mind, I dream with my fingertips and my ears and my whole body and soul. I dream dreams so big that they barely fit inside of me, and I write, put them in pen and paper, in virtual pen and paper, so they can grow. And dreams are like children, we put the effort and pleasure to create them, we put blood sweat and tears to keep them alive and well... we put all we are and have (sometimes even what we don't have) to make them grow, to see them make people smile, and for as much as we want them close and warm, soon they gain a life of their own, sometimes they gain wings and fly away, sometimes they become strangers and fade away. But nonetheless I dream, every time as if it was the first, dream big and crazy. And when you inspire me, the way you just did today... then I dream more and more and more, I overdose in dreams and hopes and smiles...
And these are the days when living is Living and smiling is Smiling, and life is so worth living...

Hereby I declare

2008-08-10T18:42:00.003-06:00

It's not what you are but who you are
And sooner or later reality strikes back
I can't live with you
But can't call life
To this surviving of mine without you by my side

Like chaos has order
Our love has our hate
But sometimes in the cloudy days
The fog disturbs our thinking
Rationality becomes no more than a word
And reality a living hell

But like after every storm
The sun will always dare to shine
The sky washes the gray away
Shining blue, lightning your smile

And a day is not a day
If your smile doesn't shine
And the night is just time
When your warmth is away

So I dare to say and feel
So many things, so beautiful
But that's the only way to live
Love, hate and tears

Tears

2008-07-07T21:05:00.002-06:00

I once said tears are never wasted, tear are never dropped in vain. Am I changing my mind? Of course not.
If you tear it's because it hurts, and if it hurts then it's because inside of you was a true, beautiful feeling. And that feeling is often so rare that when you do feel it you should do everything you can to make it last forever. And in a way it does last forever. Even if now and then you tear there are always memories of those beautiful feelings you can't forget and those are the moments that, when the bitterness goes away, stay stuck to your mind and will make you smile.
One day, one day the sun will rise from dawn and a smile will be in your face... one day...

Those same old songs

2008-06-15T20:15:00.002-06:00

I wander the streets with music in my ears. I listen to songs and I just can't, can't stop the memories from blooming. Can't stop remembering, when maybe I should forget. Should I? Should I forget the smile and the bright eyes, and the bright in your eyes? I could I, how can one forget the glance of perfection with the superficiality of any other random glance?

But there is always something, there is always something triggering the memories, something sparking the feelings and then is just the same old story... but a story I just can't stop living...
A song, a verse, an image, a ray of light, anything helps to make me live, anything helps to keep me alive, anything for a dream...
Those same old songs bring back those same old feelings... even new songs can bring back old feelings... but are the feelings that old?

I read... or so I say...

2008-05-31T01:24:00.002-06:00

I read! I read and devour every single word as a gift to existence. Every new word changes who I am, makes me a better person, teaches me how I can be who I am in a different language.
And every word read sparks, stuns, changes who I am forever. Because every word written has a purpose, a goal, a mean and an end.
Sometimes I'm simply lost, fruit of my own imagination and ignorance.
Sometimes I am myself, with all the small and big defects, but with so many more qualities that I believe I am unique, special, misunderstood...
I read books, and newspapers, and magazines, and words of scientifically correct english, that sometimes is not english at all... English and english... So little difference as the one between being me and Me!
Here and there the world sparks. Here and there the world collapses.
Me? I'm just me. Between hearth-quakes and hurricanes. Between the smoothness of the see and storms of interminable waves. Between the never-ending happiness and the faithful sadness...
I read! I like to read!
And if 70% of your body is watter, 90% of mine is words...

Prima Donna

2008-05-26T21:14:00.002-06:00

And there I was, standing, listening... Nothing was perfect or real, nothing was ever good enough or even close. The food is too spicy, maybe too salty. But then again it doesn't have enough spices; i guess it should a bit warmer. And the complaints kept going and going, the weather, the sun, the rain, the music, the tv... blablabla... My brain ordered my ears to shut and let my eyes take charge of all the sensory input. Behind, just behind that person complaining was a blue sky. A blue sky where often birds fly sharply and sing. They sing such beautiful melodies that I can't hear because my ears shut off. Shadows cut off the light that the sun gifts the day. People walking in the sidewalk, walking to work, coming from work. I can't really tell anymore. The days are so long. With sunlight from way too early to oh! so late.
Slowly my ears come back to reality and damn me, the complaints kept going and going!
"Prima Donna!!!!"
The sound of my own voice woke me up. I opened my eyes and saw myself. Looking in the mirror I could now see, the Prima Donna was no one else but me...

Butterflies

2008-04-23T15:07:00.003-06:00

My mind wondered, lost between the wind and the falling snow. Shy rays of sunlight hurt my eyes and I close them. I see you, I can clearly see you right there in front of me. I felt as if I could touch you if only I could move my arms. I soon realized I could only stare. Stare at your smile shining face, eyes... you were smiling again with your whole face as only you know how. Behind you the sun light covered you in such a beautiful aura, a peaceful existence. In my mind I craved for something more.. A word!

Your smile grew bigger. As if in slow motion you licked your lips softly and simply said: "Butterflies!"

You could hear me, you were inside of my head and you could hear my thoughts.

An action: "Butterflies in my stomach!" - you said as your cheeks grew pink...

And although I could not move I could feel, and I clearly felt the warmth of that hand on my face, the thumb of a soft skinned hand rubbing gently my recently shaved face...

And then cold, a very cold hand touching my forearm:"Are you ok?"

By instinct I opened my eyes. This tall bearded man was staring at me. His cold right hand holding my left arm. As I opened my eyes his face drew a small smile. "It's cold out here to be sleeping at this time of the day. I thought something had happened to you." "No, I'm fine! Just resting my eyes."

John, or Jack, was the name in the tag on his chest.

I guess it was just a dream. I tried to close my eyes again but your face vanished. I could still almost feel your aroma. One word still on my mind... And a strange feeling on my stomach...

The gift of delusion

2008-01-10T15:36:00.000-07:00

The sky is gray and the air cold. It's just another winter day.

I wish the warmth of your skin was here, now, pressed against my skin. But it isn't. Just the cold air surrounding me, just the cruelty and inanimate presence of bed sheets and flannel pajamas.

Your aroma still holds to my pillows, your smile holds to my memory, a smile of fulfillment that is so vague now, so absent.

It hurts to be! It hurts to smile, to shine, to embrace each dream with the innocence of a child, with a will of steel, with the purity of virgin hearts. The scars do not let me forget, the scars and the cravings...

I wish a little bit more, always more, never to reach perfection, never to be satisfied, never to take anything for granted, never to stop, stop loving, stop dreaming, stop trying.
I would hold you in my arms again and make the same mistakes, hold you in my arms and press my lips against yours longly, truly, deeply. Kiss you over and over again for a glimpse of that smile, a glimpse of that bight shiny eyes that make cloudy, gray, cold days into warm symphonies of blooming flowers on a spring afternoon, with a sweet breeze blowing between the little space between our fused bodies.
I wish I was you and you were me, just to see if I can be, be without hurting.
I dream: delusion, delirium, dementia. In the end of all things: love, passion, desire!

When your body starts quiting

2007-11-23T17:05:00.000-07:00

One day you wake up and look yourself in the mirror: a gray hair here, less hair there, a few wrinkles all over. You grab the first piece of ID you can and check for birth date. You're right - you are getting older!

No more endless nights of alcohol and party and friends, no more crazy nights of studying and paper writing: your body quits too early!

Then all in a sudden you do feel old, all your life changes, you let your life change. Think about how comfortable it feels to stay home in the warmth of central heating and a nice cup of freshly brewed coffee or recently steeped tea. Think about how much a kiss means because they are more and more rare, think about what true love really is because soon that's all you will be able to hold on to... And then again maybe not! Maybe true love isn't all you truly need... Maybe true love doesn't really exist.. So many maybes and so few answers...
But the truth is that when your body starts quiting it's time to really pay attention to the clock ticking in your wrist, time to open your eyes and truly live!!!
Every second is precious!

The fading Muse

2007-10-03T17:00:00.000-06:00

I love! And I loved so many times so many different people: tall, short, skinny, chubby, beautiful and "drop-dead" gorgeous. But over and over again I always fall inlove with the muse, the inspiration, the admiration! I feel attracted by the woman, get to know the person and fall in love with the muse. Yes, the muse, the product of my imagination, a perfect, immaculate conception of a human being that never existed.

Well, either that or I do fall in love with real people and they just change in a way that I no longer recognize them. Of course people change, we all do... but why every woman I always loved has to change in a way that turns them unrecognizable???
And I'm always full of hope, full of expectations that it's just a phase, just a temporary state of insanity and coldness, I always hope one day the love will be back, the person will be the muse and life will be full of happiness and smiles...
Am I a fool? Is it time for me to change?
No, I'm a poet, and I will always have my muses, and if all the women I've met refused to be such... I guess I'll just keep trying. Keep searching for the Muse until I find it... or until time runs out!

Always something in the way

2007-09-14T11:34:00.000-06:00

Isn't it amazing how there is always something getting in the way, something that becomes a little bit more of a priority, something that comes lost in time and space and takes all the time and space, all we need to be and keep not being.
Why can't people see what's right in front of them and blindly weaken to these absurd priorities that mean nothing for tomorrow, nothing for the day after and so very little for today, but still, they sometimes prevent tomorrow to happen in a full shinning sun, and the day after from being real at all.
Should reality kill, overcome the dreams or should the dreams always be the ones to take the front line?
Why can't people see clearly the path to happiness when reality is just a mess? Why can't people make time for what is important, or for what can make tomorrow the special day and keep insisting in postponing, maybe later today, maybe tomorrow....
And as time goes by the sun shines less, the moon becomes shier and hides, behind the clouds... and tomorrow, tomorrow's shinning blue sky is no more than a beautiful memory, a long long gone dream hiding in some dark corner of our memories.

Pointing the finger right at me!

2007-09-12T11:39:00.000-06:00

There is and will always be a very thin line between paradise and living hell, between dreams and reality, to me!

I will always be dreaming too fast (or faster than you) or too high(or higher than you). So naturally I'm always the first one to fall, the one that falls faster, harder.
I'm always giving all I have and what I should never give up, but the feelings burn me so truly that I always give what I have, what I don't have and what I should never give up! And I change. I change and suffer, this pain strikes so deep I swear I can barely breathe, barely love. And you? You keep going with your life, smiling, feeling fantastic, not even caring to know how I am, how I'm feeling, not even recognizing what I gave up for you, all I gave you.
One day (and that day, I feel it coming soon) I will say enough! One day all we had will be no more than a vain memory, sometimes a cruel dream. One day all will be gone, lost, impossible to repair or to restart. On that day I will know it was all your fault but I will be so fed up I won't even bother to point the finger right at you. Maybe because on that day you will no longer exist, in my life!

Theory of Chaos

2007-09-03T15:03:00.000-06:00

In the beginning there was nothing! Good will, maybe desire, maybe the wish of something more... and Bang!!!! I was born and then it was decided: chaos will rule my existence!
Never, maybe until lately, maybe until now I realized such an important factor. Everything tends to go towards chaos, the ultimate disorder of the world, the last stop on our way to emptiness (or is it emptiness the first step to chaos?). My life was always the ultimate journey to the absolute and unresolved collapse and I never realized what I was doing until now, now that the end is closer!
But the theory goes on and on about the balance between chaos and its counterpart, its counterweight, but form here and looking back... there were moments of peace and happiness... but chaos always fascinated me, always made me give one more step than I really needed... one step closer to the end.
But the end can just mean another Bang! another beginning, the arrival of the blue skies and sunshines.
I guess my life doesn't challenge the laws of the universe: chaos, collapse and re-start!
One more step and I will jump, one more step and I will be born again... or will I remain the same?

Glass Castles (what I'm best at)

2007-08-20T16:09:00.000-06:00

I'm reading a book! I go through the pages endlessly, sometimes wishing for time to stop so I can read until my eyes hurt and "the end" appears written in the pages.

In the beginning I did quite get it. What the hell are glass castles?
Now... as the pages left on my right hand begin to scarce... now I know that the book could very well be called dreams or unfinished life, or something like that.
But while I have a few more pages left, it made me think about all the glass castles in my life...
One day I was told I could be whatever I wanted to, be good at whatever I choose. Some say: do only what you are best at! Well, I guess I'm really good at dreaming... outstanding even... and I do pretty well at living too...
But I wish I didn't have so many glass castles in my life, so many unfinished stories, so many sand written promises and plans...
But then again... Dreaming is what I do best and without all my silly and impossible dreams I would have never felt the sweetness of a stolen kiss, the uniqueness of love, the realization of a dream becoming true!

Why?

2007-08-08T22:31:00.000-06:00

Why are you so beautiful?
No wonder my heart is falling
For you
Day after day
Even more

Why are you so wonderful?
No wonder my mind craves
And is willing to pay
A penny for your thoughts
Even a million... kisses!

Why are you so far?
No wonder my eyes shut
Just to see you
And my dreams become you!

Why are you, you?
No wonder I have
A hard time
Being me
Without you!

Illusions

2007-08-08T21:09:00.000-06:00

We all have our dreams, our goals, but sometimes those dreams are nothing but an illusion! They never had a chance to become true, maybe they were never dreams at all, simple mirages: we only see what we want to!
And we live that illusion as if it was reality, we feel and cry and tear and live and die... until one day the sun will shine brighter and a real dream comes along the sun beams...
Wait for the day when the sun will shine just for you and your dream will become true, or your illusion, a dream...

If I had one hundred flowers

2007-07-30T18:39:00.000-06:00

If I had one hundred flowers I would be so much happy...
I would keep one for myself (I do like flowers) to shine beautifully in my room, lightning my days!
I would give you 63, because I love you 63 (I would give you one thousand because I care millions about you, but I only have one hundred flowers and 63 are white roses).
I would save 5 for each of the 5 graves of people I love and watch over me (and one millions tears of sadness and joy).
One perfect purple pansy for my one perfect first love, dried in between blank sheet of a big story book. One for my mom, a red carnation for my dad, two for Mariana and two for Ines, three for Maria and one... the last one... the last one for the river...
I guess if I had one hundred flowers I would need one hundred more...

Lost without a trace

2007-07-29T16:57:00.000-06:00

Life has very funny ways!
One day I'm on top of the world, sharing smiles with complete strangers, joyfully appreciating every single second of my existence. The next day the sun shines on my window and lazily I wake up and hear the birds happily singing in the freshness of the morning. My eyes shine, my lips organize themselves in a way that no possible frown can hunt my days. But although everything is arranged in the same old perfect way of a happy day, I should know best that I'm already on the move to some other different day... one less bright...
Bad days always come and make me doubt of all the previous happiness. Was it just a dream, was it all just a cruel trick? Were we ever real?
I do remember the good days, and I miss them so much... But as time goes by I don't think I can still believe on a dream with nothing or very little to hold on to...
But soon the rain will come and my fears will be washed away and maybe my dreams will be true or maybe new dreams will come through

One day

2007-06-25T23:09:00.000-06:00

One day you said it, clear and clean, all those three words I always waited for. And my day was brighter, and my heart was warmer but my fear was bigger...
I know that day was one of a kind, and in the end maybe all was worth it, all the tears and pain, to reach that day, that one day when a dream became words, those three beautiful words...
But now the clouds are back and the rain may fall at any moment... and that one day almost seems to far away... Will we ever say it again? Will that day forever stay?

The gift of the sea

2007-06-25T22:56:00.001-06:00

You always seem to have the gift to know when I need you, even when I know I need you and decide I should take it like a man and do it, pass by it, on my own.
I worry, as I always did, more than before, and you tell me to calm down, that everything is ok: "Just started to miss you and wanted to hear your voice!"
I swear I can see you blush on the other side of the line, on the other side of the world where dawn is coming fast, while here night is never night at all. And we talk, and you listen to my never ending adventures, and ask all the right questions at the right time and slowly everything seems to make sense, in my troubled mind the light finally shines, all the confusion is now rationality.
And I always seem to be able to talk about everything, open my heart and my mind to you and I always seem to get the words I should listen.
As always, your words inspire my words, and before you I complained about the confusion of my words and now... now my words flow and my mind is clear, I can now see: I am me!

Bulletproof romance

2007-06-18T22:41:00.000-06:00

We all search for the same thing. Maybe some of us search for something more, others for something less. We all search for attention, affection, passion, sex, love, tears, smiles, honesty, commitment, and whatever else you can think of. But in the end all that we all look for is a bulletproof romance: no flaws, no lies, no weaknesses and loads and loads of good, great feelings...

Some of us just quit when they realize that there's no such thing. Others spend their all lives working hard to make it bulletproof.

I once learned: nothing lasts forever; nothing's perfect!

Yet I'm one of those that spend their lives fighting and trying and losing and trying again amd fighting harder and falling faster...

You once said:"You're a lover, not a fighter!"

Why am I not both?

The emptiness of us

2007-06-17T23:18:00.001-06:00

Days and nights, the rain falling second after second for minutes in a row.
Memories of you, of us invade my room, my mind, my world.
I wonder: when did you leave? Did you leave at all?
But most importantly: were you ever real? Were we real at all?
Sometimes, in between my sleep, my happy dreams almost seem real: I feel your touch, your lips onto mine, your aroma, sweet orgasm in my nostrils. Sometimes, even when I'm awake and I can see you I doubt if it was real at all...
But then, then you smile and I smile and we both laugh and all the memories come back, and the certainty of our existence eases my main, my inner pain.
How did we get to here?
The question always comes shortly after you leave. And behind you leave the emptiness of us as my sole company, my faithful friend.

The End

2007-06-16T23:30:00.000-06:00

In my head it all makes sense. But my heart keeps telling me I'm wrong. Sometimes it's a picture, a smell, a song the makes me dream.
My first love wrote me once a poem that I converted into a song. Today, while smoking and thinking of you, of us, I realized that I could have wrote the same words today:

Feeling sad everywhere I go
There's always something worrying me
Can't be happy where I am
Thinking of all that I could be
(...)
Let me rotten in a bag
Leave me hanging in a tree
Run away while I'm asleep
Forget about me

Is it time to leave it all behind? Can't seem to decide if the end is the right decision. Am I running away or finally facing the situation?
My dreams wait for me and tomorrow will always be a new day... Tomorrow!
Tomorrow may be too late
Tomorrow I may wash it away
Tomorrow
No words to sing

Poetry again

2007-06-15T14:51:00.000-06:00

Can't really tell
If it's paradise
Or hell
But I guess it's just life
As good as it gets

Never forget
That wherever we are
High in the skies
Or deep in the sea
I will always love you!
And you'll always love me?

The fountain

2007-06-15T14:46:00.000-06:00

It is said in my country that: "So many times the jar goes to the fountain, that eventually it will break!"
Once you start saying and doping the same things over and over again, once you start arguing with the same person over and over again, once the argument has the same subject over and over again... it will eventually break!
I do not know where do we stand now, I don't know how well the jar hold the water, but I believe it's been cracking for a long time. Did it break this time? How's gonna grab all the pieces? Will we be able to glue them back together? Or shall we forget about it all and simple die thirsty?

Back to Poetry

2007-05-29T23:43:00.000-06:00

I'm afraid of the dark
I'm afraid of the light
I'm afraid of the ones I care and love
I'm afraid of the ones I hate

I'm afraid of the sea, the sun and the sand
I'm afraid a beautiful face will give me a hand
I'm afraid of falling in love again
And watch it go down the drain

I'm afraid of the rhymes of my words
I'm afraid of the things I might say
I'm afraid my lips rhyme with yours
I'm afraid, I'm afraid, I'm afraid

The emptyness of pleasure

2007-05-21T12:58:00.000-06:00

Sometimes pleasure doesn't last as long as the orgasmic hormonal discharge. A few seconds of ecstasy after a few minutes of repetitive movements... or the longest ecstasy moments ever after hours of wild affective dancing... Pleasure and perfection, respectively.
And once you reach perfection it's almost impossible to forget it or even feel content with pleasure. And all I've been building my life around - pleasure - loses it's importance in just a second.
But for as much as I would like to pause life and give myself a break, I just keep going and giving myself to the pleasures of the flesh and smiling...
Yeah, it's not perfect, but it's pleasure and I can't help but smile!!!

Wrong turn

2007-05-20T01:38:00.000-06:00

Along the way we all get the wrong turn!
Some more than others but along the way we all do something with the best intentions... and end up doing the worst thing possible!
We say "I love you" too many times or not enough, we kiss too much or too little... we suffocate or give too much space...
To find the balance is the key but now all doors are locked for me.
One day, who knows, maybe I'll get a right turn, but for now I just keep going 'till the time to turn comes again.

My life without it

2007-05-13T00:17:00.000-06:00

That's life, that seems to be my life: without it!
It - a thing (love), a person (you, her), a feeling (love again, maybe happiness), a land (here?)...
Clouds form in the skies to gray my life, to make my days so much more similar to my soul... Rain hides behind the sun, but the moon doesn't show up either and I feel lonely, perfectly empty without the reason of my survival - feelings, happiness, love, you!
Having you here and not having you at all. Feeling your skin and your lips and not being able to distinguish you from ice, cold heartless rock...
My empty troubled mind generates no good ideas, no good sentences or verses now that I find myself completely lost in this small dream of mine...
One day a dream will be real again! One day I hope to still be here to live it again...

Same old, same old

2007-02-09T23:19:00.000-07:00

We are funny animals!
Take a rat, a dog or a monkey. They easily learn the difference between reward and punishment. They easily identify actions that will result in pain and avoid them. Not us!
We have a certain tendency to learn with our mistakes but easily forget how much it hurt. And unlike other animals, if we forget the punishment we easily repeat the same behavior and sooner or later the pain of the punishment comes back. Not a shadow anymore in the back of our head, but true pain, sometimes even more intense than before.
And the first reaction is to complain, fill our lives with self-pity, blame other for the pain inflicted. Again we easily forget that it wasn't the first time and we should have learned, we shouldn't have done the same mistake twice, three times or four... So we're the only ones to blame!

So here I sit now. After an amazing bloom about coffee and queues and beautiful women, I blame myself. But only today! Tomorrow I shall forget the pain again, I shall not be conditioned again and I'll open my heart and my eyes and I will live another day for the first time and even if the sun just shines for a little bit I will smile and laugh and be who I'll never forget I am!

3 wishes!

2007-01-29T11:07:00.000-07:00

I was calmly walking down the street! One of those days when you just roam nowhere and just enjoy the rain that rarely falls. In a traffic light post was a poster. Plain white with the typical times new roman lettering. The message was clear:
"The world is going to end tomorrow and you have 3 wishes. Are you ready?"
Well, this is a new one. No "call this number right now!" nor "we have the solutions to your problems!".
I decided to keep my roam in the rain and keep my head occupied with this thoughts. There's no point in asking for world peace and the end of hunger because the world is going to end anyway. No need to ask for money and fortune because there's not enough time to enjoy it. And at this point it was starting to get hard... I started to feel my chest shrinking and crushing my inner organs, my heart racing like a maniac... PANIC!
I thought about you, about all the plans and dreams and amazing things waiting for us to live...
Slowly the rain got warmer and warmer, and heavier... and if trying to wash panic away...
I looked ahead and a bright ray o sunlight was ripping the dense roof of clouds. Word by word my wishes started to gain shape:"I wish I can spend every second of the rest of my life by your side!" and I repeated it 3 times... that was my wish, three times my wish...
I realized that if the world ends tomorrow there's only one thing I must do. I picked up my phone:"Did I tell you today you are beautiful? Did I tell you today that I love you so much that there're no words that can possibly describe it? I will cook dinner tonight. Dress fancy!"
The rain was now gone as well as all my fears and panic.
We had dinner and several bottles of wine. We laughed so truly and so perfectly. And now here you are sleeping like an angel...

The alarm clock went off. You are mumbling something... Guess the world didn't end... Was it just a dream or did we actually laughed all that last night?...
I kiss you in the forehead. And just in case the world ends tomorrow I whisper: You truly are beautiful!

Incredible

2007-01-28T23:39:00.000-07:00

It was a sunday like every other sunday before, like many sundays to come. Nothing special about it (or was it?). All in a sudden inspiration struck. I could feel the ideas floating but the mess in my head was as bad as the mess in this desk. I needed a start, a word, a spark. But you were sparking so much already... or was I sparking just by thinking of you?
Then the word came as sweet as your mouth as perfect as you. Incredible! And now here I am thinking about all the ways I can let you know how you are incredible without being cheesy or repeat myself... But when I think incredible I can't think about anything else or anyone else but you and how incredibly lucky I was to ever come across you, how my life became even more MY LIFE when part of it means you... Incredible afternoons waiting for the sunset, sitting in the sand, sipping some "see-cold" white wine... Incredible places we've been, holding hands, kissing, smiling and laughing... Incredible happiness we were gifted with...
You suggested superstition... But I don't believe in superstition. I do sleep only on the left side of the bed... and I never use the same cologne if I'm not with the same person... And I don't walk under stairs or plan something big for friday the 13th... I plan something amazing, enormous... But I'm not superstitious, I'm just crazy! And I agree with my friend that talks to the moon: I rather be crazy than stupid!

Never ending dream

2007-01-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

One day you wake up and your life is upside down! The pillows are under your feet and the quilt is not covering you; you drink your toast and toast your coffee; you stick your arms in your trousers and your shirt around your waist; the moon shines all day long and the sun brights your nights; beer tastes like wine and wine tastes like water... Your friends are your lovers and your lovers are your friends, and that's when you start to doubt: because you always fucked your friends and kept your lovers as friends. So maybe this weird dream is no dream at all.

And you keep going!
Your clock counts down and time... You walk backwards...

Rain falls with the moon in the sky and it's day. And when the first drop falls in your face you doubt... but you keep walking (backwards) and you keep reaching nowhere. And then someone says hello and you're sure: everyone is where they should be - the nice guy still smiles like so many times before when you stop to buy smokes, the lady next to the traffic lights still sits on the floor begging, the bum still sleeps in the same public bench - but not you! This is not a dream and yes, your life is upside down! Why do you think everyone was looking at you? Don't you see you look weird when you wear your shirt around your waist like a skirt?

The Mirror

2007-01-16T23:03:00.000-07:00

Hi!
Noticed you there before but you always seemed so... full of yourself that I never dared to tell you anything. But today you seem... almost human and something inside of me was telling me that it's really not so hard to talk to you, that you probably are a great person and you would understand everything I feel and everything I say.
I've seen you crying before, but you are so stubborn that everyone thinks that you have something in your eyes, or some kind of allergy.
I know you noticed me before too because I've seen you looking at me before, almost staring as if there was something wrong with me or you knew me from somewhere. And I think that's what always kept me away from talking to you. It's almost as if you can see straight through me, you can read my thoughts, anticipate my words. But now I'm no longer afraid because I don't know where my thoughts wonder, I don't know what's the next word coming out of my head, I feel as opaque as the curtains that guard my room from the evil morning sun. So if you can still see straight through me, if you can tell me what to say, this is the moment to do so and guide through my own life, at least for a day or two, a week or three? After all you're just me on that side of the mirror.

Adrenaline spike

2007-01-15T13:18:00.000-07:00

The morning was dark but not as cold as before. The clouds take charge of the sky, but here and there I can see sunbeams ripping the monotonous grayish-white.
The morning was pretty normal - normal coffee intake, normal thoughts (of you), normal blood pressure, normal heart rate, normal nicotine intake... And then came lunch and I believe it was the energetic intake that boosted my hyper state. Now the blood pressure surely went up, the heart rate? Lets not even talk about that; try to refrain the nicotine intake and the caffeine addiction. Now my body has a will of its own, no longer answering to what my brain tries to rationalize! My legs move as if I needed to run away from here, away from some imminent danger (I do want to get out of here and run into your arms), my thoughts anticipate your return, our gathering... my ands shake nervously...
Only ours away, and these ours will feel like days, months, years, a whole eternity gone by. I already feel my few hair turning gray, then white, as the sky full of clouds, as waiting for the sun to shine, waiting for you, sunshine...

Waiting but not waiting

2007-01-13T13:41:00.000-07:00

I'm waiting but I'm not waiting for you! Do I make any sense? Of course not, but I'll try to explain it to you, as you try to explain little kids why the sun goes away and the moon takes its place in the sky. And although everyone knows they're lovers, they're united but one of those never ending, life lasting loves, they never seem to be in the same place at the same time.
I'm waiting for you in the way that my life gains so much more meaning when I'm with you, when my feelings cheer my life and bright my days. I'm waiting, I'll always be waiting for you. But then again I'm not waiting for you. Things come and go, people come and go, just like the waves in the sea. But every time a new wave comes to the shore, new water kisses the sand...
So you come and go, I come and go and every time we meet again it's a new start, a new adventure, almost a new feeling.
So I do wait for you, but I know I'll see a new you, because tomorrow is always a new day!

Of course not!

2007-01-11T13:20:00.000-07:00

Of course you won't mind if I'm here or there, if I cry or if I'm pissed because I'm expecting something as simple as respect, understanding and consideration. But I guess I should be used to that by now, used to be a shadow in a sunny day and absolutely nothing when there's no light for me to cover.
I wake up in rage but then the sun outside smooths my andger, my rage and I can't help but think all the times we were holding hands, walking in the snow with the sun burning in our eyes... And your smile... Your smile shining even more than normally, almost daring to shut down the sun light. And as the song states: "You'll always find a way to keep me right here waiting, always find the words to say to keep me right here waiting"
So here I am, right here, waiting...

In the end

2007-01-07T22:49:00.000-07:00

Times have come when you rethink every single detail of your life, from the decision you do not know when it happened of stopping to have breakfast, to the heavy weight step you don't know how it happened of falling in love.
You realize how some things are meaningless and pointless in pursuing while other are so important and you never ever gave it decent thinking.
When such times come it is inevitable to think in the most rational way and ask yourself: In the end what's really going to matter?
The answer to this question changes form time to time, from person to person. More hurt people dedicate their time to their careers, passionate people are always willing to leave all and every one for the love of their lives. Crazy people seem to be happy no matter what turns out in the end. You can call them crazy or maybe hedonists, because no matter what's next in line to happen they know they can always enjoy themselves and appreciate life as the greatest gift ever.
Even to me, the crazy passionate hedonist, a broken heart with a smile seems unlikely or even impossible, but if you know that life's pleasures are a never ending list of orgasmic sensations and unique tastes... then no pain can drag you to the last station, no pain is able to move you away from your destiny - happiness!
A broken heart never seems to be vaccinated against another challenge, a career is never the last upgrade in your life, the final destination of eternal knowledge.
It doesn't matter if you know all the answers. What is important is what will you do when new questions cross your way!

the day your heart exploded

2007-01-07T15:35:00.000-07:00

The sun shines now after the snow fall. Can you imagine a better scenario for your heart to explode?
It's not a pretty sigh. There's blood all over, rage and passion laying on the same wall, side by side...
So many times she made you feel like shit, lost and alone, always wrong... so many times that happens that one day your heart reaches the limit and explodes!
You keep that dark rock covered with ice that will keep your blood flow, that will make you smile once in a while, that will remind you of your friends... But you don't forget that easily that someone fucked up your heart and you have to build it from scratch once again.
But it's not the first time, but you hope this will be the last... But that's life! And either you accept it and live it, or you're as good as dead!

For you, my friend!

2006-11-20T21:19:00.000-07:00

I write for you my friend, friend of the moon! And tonight the moon told me to wite for you and for all the wonderfull words that you decided to share with me, with the world...
I do miss you so, I do miss all those wondefull moments we spent together. No, I'm not talking about wonderfull nights of clear sky, with you in my arms and the moon in the sky. I don't talk about it because we had none. But we had so many beautiful things, so many conversations, so many advises, so many questions. It's all that friendship that knows no barriers, knows no time, it has no past (it seems to have been for so long) or future (it will never end), but it's always present. I'll be always here, for you, and you're always there, for me!
I write because the moon told me so and because I need to tell you that the world is still your playground, the world is still yours and happiness waits for you at every corner - don't waste it! But I know you won't do so, I know one day I'll sit with you by the sea side, with that grey-white sky you love so much, and with all the people in paradise sitting and listening while we share the happiness in our lives!
For you, my friend, I'll be here, with my shoulder, my stories, my words or my songs. For you, my friend, I will!

Anger and love!

2006-10-16T22:22:00.000-06:00

How do you deal with anger and love at the same time? How do you separate the feelings, how do you keep them apart from each other?
Is it possible to draw a line in between and live happily ever after?
I feel my guts burning with love and burning with anger and painful questions popping every second and the answers just don't come!
I've changed, life changed me you changed me, everyone that crossed my path has changed me... but there are moments like these when I feel as lost as I can be...
I just want to be happy and spend more than a week or two without going back to square one. I guess I'm no different from everyone else and at the same time I know I'm different... I know I am! Always was and always be. But I'm still trying to figure out if it's good or bad.
In the end I guess that's just me!

lost (in translation) in my life

2006-10-15T22:48:00.000-06:00

My words are far, far away and even when they are around it seems like all ther sense was taken from them.
I wish I could put some of my brain-storming ideas chained to some words, but right now time just floats above my thoughts and the rain that falls outside isn't helping as before.
I remember those days, walking and smoking in the rain. A couple of minutes or a couple of hours, a pack of cigarrettes, a blast of thoughts and finally, with the sun shining over the horizon and the rain still over me, all made sense and my life was a walk in the park, again...
Now I have some of what I've been looking for, but at the same time, without any warning or request, so much was taken away, or so much I let go away...
I need a cheecky rain drop, or a thunderstorm night to help my thoughts happen, or at least let them be organized. I'm messy enough!
It's still raining outside and I still have smokes in my pack. Maybe it will thunder...

Life changes

2006-10-04T22:56:00.000-06:00

Time goes by and we change, the world changes and life changes with it too.
Before I was feeling myself growing older as time passed. Today, everytime I look myself in the mirror I feel myself growing up.
I've changed so much that I could almost say that I barely know myself. But the fact is that I think I'm changing for better and most of the times I think I like what I see in the mirror.
Well, I didn't change taht, that much. I still eat a bar of chocolate during the evenings while drinking a litre of juice of a nice mug of coffee. But now I drink my tea and my coffee without sugar (YES, no need to faint. The boy who used to drink a mug of coffee with 4 packs of sugar is done!). Yes, I still smoke and drink, but I can see myself without smoking and I'm drinking less than before.
I've been experiencing so many things that I could only grow up...
Words run from the tips of my fingers - thant was another change - and sometimes I feel like there's no poetry in me anymore... but I know it's all there!

Friendship - the art of mixed feelings

2006-09-11T22:02:00.000-06:00

So there she is, right there, far away where I can't reach, where I can't see, where I can't possibly do anything. She's sad, she cries (maybe she's not tearing but I know it hurts and she should be crying). All I can do is listening. For once I say: Never been there, never done that. I can only use my intuition (yes, that's a girl's thing but I always said I should have been a girl!!!) and let the words get out of my fingers (She's there, so far away that I can't even talk, listen to her voice) and then it happened - she smiled. I know she did because she told me so and I know she wouldn't lie to me. I know she's sad, I told you that, but even when you are sad you can truly smile!
Tomorrow I'll be there too, waiting for you and just for you and I hope that I can make you smile once more: Such a friendship is too precious to waste or ignore!

And here I am! Waking up with a smile, smiling all the way to the sunset, feeling enough energy to go for a run and enjoy every second. I know that I'm smiling for her too... I know that's all I can do...

I wrote you a poem:

Sometimes it's your smile
And that shine
In your eyes
But I swear
It feels like the whole sun
Shines in your face!

Sometimes I find myself
Trying to find the words,
All the words I can find,
To tell you how beautiful you are!
And when I'm done
I have pages and pages
Of beautiful words,
Made up words,
Words in all possible languages
Words in undiscovered languages
And yet
I feel it is not enough
to discribe your beauty!

I wrote you a poem and yet I don't think I've said it all!

Back to the words

2006-09-07T16:34:00.000-06:00

Silence took care of my fingers. The few words were destinated to my pen and the blank sheets of paper in front of me just before sunrise.
Many things happened. Some good, some bad, but sometimes I like to believe everything happens for a reason. Sometimes it just happens... Sometimes it just doesn't happen.
I now have to decide if I'm gonna try to catch up with these 2 months of happenings or if I'm moving on and write from this moment...
I think I need more time to decide.
Just thought I should give signs of life!
Someone told me: Tu me manques!
That someone is somewhere and somehow she's still here.

A beautiful smile!

2006-07-10T22:42:00.000-06:00

I still can’t believe how I missed it.
I first let my hormones command my thoughts and tell me how attractive you were, then my platonic behaviour said that your personality was extremely attractive, there was something about your behaviour that was letting me more and more curious every day. But today, today while we talked (and it seems so easy to talk to you, to open my heart and just let the words flow) I finally looked deep into your eyes and I swear I lost myself. I remember you were saying something but I couldn’t listen, I could not stop thinking how beautiful your eyes are and how could I have missed such a glance of true wonder. And I think they are even more beautiful when they smile along with the rest of your face and that little happy bright appears shyly in the corner…
I will embrace my dreams with a smile in my face just by thinking about how beautiful your smile is, and by the morning I should know if I should let you know that I have a crush for your eyes and your smile…

The man with a mission

2006-07-07T22:28:00.000-06:00

I let the vapors of the alcohol sublime my words and most of the times the feeling just arise meaningless.
I chose depressing songs but no matter how depressing the sing is, my tears seem not to be able to become true! I wish you know how I feel for you, but I will not tell you so, and you will never know…
But my day got lightened by the consequence of what I do best: Help others! And I realized that I have to warn people I’m different, I think in a different way, I act in a different way. And doing so people are able to understand that no matter what I tell them to do, that doesn’t mean it is the right thing. But the concept and the idea is right and the result can only be the best one.
I realize that it’s getting harder to be happy on my own, and helping others and making others find the right way is the way by which I’ll fin the track to happiness.
But today I feel I was able to make someone smile and have a beautiful day. Today I may have finished another mission and I fell happy for that, I may even have had the audacity to wear a smile and I was proud of it!

The waiting

2006-07-06T22:01:00.000-06:00

Waiting for you! Still waiting for myself!

Just look at me waiting! Look at how I still wait after all this time.
People say that there’s no love like the first and that we never forget our first love. It is true, I admit, that there’s no love like the first and obviously, since it was the first time we ever felt something we called love and lived according to it, it’s impossible to forget, forget how it started, the first conversations, the first kisses, the first frontiers to be crossed, the first night out. Of course, the first time sex happened and it was so much more than sex, it was love!
But look at me: my first love has been long gone (yes! It still shows up once in a while as a crazy passion, because there’s no love like the first one) and sorry, but you aren’t the second either, or the third… But what matters is that I still remember when and how it started, I remember the first kiss, the frontiers crossed, and how could I forget the first time we made love??? And yet do you remember? But even if you do, what does it mean? Why is it so hard to believe that it happened even if our memories start to appear blunted in our minds? Why is it so hard for me to admit what I feel for you?
So I let days go by, I let you make me smile, I do my best to make you smile and for some moments I believe that it wasn’t a dream, for a moment I feel your lips in mine, I feel your body next to mine by sunrise.
But as time goes by our smiles get forced, become rare and we are not we, but some strangers that remind us of a time that we no longer now if it was real!

Ode (hope) to the lost one

2006-07-06T00:36:00.000-06:00

Ode (hope) to the lost one

There’s no sun or wind
Or anything in between!
There’s no hope or dream
To make me smile again!

My love isn’t much
But it’s all I have left
I so live as such
I shall have no regret

From sunshines to sunsets
I will look for your eyes
And your mouth and your lips
To my misfortune, my demise

Once we start there’s no end
Will have memories and a past
Rather break than to bend
Rather lost than in doubt!

I love you and I hate you!

2006-07-05T23:35:00.000-06:00

Things start to make sense: I hate you and I love you!
And with these controversial feelings I have no idea what to do: should I hold you in my arms and take you with me to the future or should I kill you in me right away?
There are days that I only love you, days when our future seems so beautiful and possible. But then I remember all the beautiful things that we had and you threw away and it hurts. In the beginning it just hurt, but with time all my pain became rage, hate and I am now full of feelings I thought I could never have. It’s amazing how the same person can make me love and hate, make me happy and the most miserable man on the face of the earth. Isn’t life funny?
But I’ll move on. Eventually, after a while, my heart will find a way to deal with itself, with the lack of so many pieces lost to my beloved ones, and maybe, just maybe, there’s still something left for someone to take care of, and hopefully that someone will finally take really good care of it.
Of course this is just a very optimistic way of seeing things! Wasn’t that what you wanted me to do???

“Do you love me?”

2006-07-03T23:46:00.000-06:00

“Do you love me?”

We met the usual way for people of our age: a drinking and dancing night at a bar. I could I have missed you wearing that really short black skirt and the sleaveless top. I think the first thing I notice in you was your bellybutton. I never saw such a beautiful bellybutton before and never seen another one so beautiful all these years after.
I was looking at you like every men in that bar but I was the one you glanced at, but I thought it was the beer.
Still today I have no idea of where I got the guts to make the move. All the other easy guys were being backed-off and the experienced ones were say that you were no good, not looking for it that night. But I guess it was really the beer that made me move. Also knowing the bartender helped impressing you. How could I ever guessed you were a vodka-with-cranberry-juice-type of girl?
“The best way to get a girl's attention is to ignore her!” This was the conclusion of a long discussion with many of my girl friends. But the problem is to get your attention first so you realize you are being ignored. So the move was so subtle, so well planned in my dreams that I could have never wished for it to work better. So I grabbed your vodka with cranberry juice and waited for you to be ready to order another one. I approached you and I know I said the right words and left. I went back to my friends and acted as nothing happened. Of course our eyes sparked a couple of times during the night, but I needed to wait for the right moment, the right chain of actions so I could get that right reaction.
When the moment came I just reached the counter and sat by your side just to order a drink. And the payback was coming – you said the first words and after a few tens of minutes I had your number and your name and your attention. It was time to go home and keep playing the game.
It's so amazing how a game can be so fun and so dangerous.
After that night we had it all: the wild first night of sex; the resting time; the second night and the third and all the other ones after and all the discussions and reconciliations. We had a relationship but at the same time we never said we had it. There was no obligation but there was understanding. We fought over nothing and because of everything. We were a happy couple and at the same time complete strangers and it was working just fine. We pretended that we had no feelings, we were just “friends” of occasion and it lasted for so many moons, and the same moon came back again and again and again.
But one day with the moon hiding behind the rainy clouds all my ghosts returned with those four words: “Do you love me?”.
Why? Why you had to use them like that. You could have said something so beautiful and less cruel and painful like: “You do love me!” or “You love me do!”. You could even had made no sense at all: “You me do love!” or go for a melodic approach: “Love you do me!”. But no, you chose the worst order possible, you had a question mark and you were really expecting an answer.
I remember you leaving before the tears started to drop and I assume I didn't want to get that last glimpse of you. I wanted to keep that wonderful laugh and that radiating smile as the last image of you.
I guess my silence said what I couldn't say, but you heard something so different and I never had the guts to call you back. Yes I loved you but I couldn't hurt you!
The alarm clock went on and I woke up in pain. I was feeling so empty I couldn't dare to move or open my eyes. But you felt that emptiness even in your dreams and hugged me and all I could say was: Yes, I do love you!”

"Love? What's making love?"

2006-07-03T23:19:00.000-06:00

"Love? What's making love?"

- So you do know what make love is? But how? You're so young and crazy and...
I thought it was better to interrupt you before you could say some word I wouldn't understand.
- Sure I know what making love is, but the question is: How do you want me to explain it to you? You know there are always many ways to explain things.
- Just tell me what is making love to you!
- I will give you 2 definitions that mean exactly the same thing, at least to me. You have the bar-table version and the poetic/romantic version. Where should I start?
- Let's go for the bar-table one and hope we can finish with something really amazing!
You didn't even try to hide that evil smile and that mean shine in your eyes. So I decided to kink a bit more the bar-table version.
- Making love is a very straight forward happening. When you make love you don't just fuck, you gotta fuck with your heart, fuck with love, not only with your dick. It's 2 souls screwing each other until there's no time: no seconds, no hours, no days, no tomorrow. It's the climax, the most intense you can ever have in your life - two souls screwing each other until there's no more limits, no boundaries that can't be crossed.
An inner laugh shacked your body but you just let the smile, that amazing prick smile.
- Doesn't look bad, but I guess I've heard better pick up lines. And if she's drunk she may fall asleep in the middle of you speech.
I have to say I was expecting that. As if I didn't know you...
- So now I'm waiting for the romantic one!
- Sure!
- But do me a favour, if I fall asleep wake me up when you finish!
- Up yours smart ass!
And we both laughed but I recovered my serious face faster and dived deep into the definition.
- Making love is achieving paradise on earth, making love is forgetting about the two bodies lying in bed or rolling on the ground. Is ignoring that there is time and space and lose perception of the world around. Making love is when the 2 halves of the same whole meet and become one again, and again, and again. It's when you kiss where the other wants to be kissed and when you get kissed where you want to be kissed. It's all about forgetting yourself and worship the body between your arms and your legs. It's all about being yourself without being at all. It's about sharing and giving and receiving. It's about respect and at the same time dare to cross every boundary, to push it a little bit more without pushing to much. When you make love there're no expectations because if you are making love you can't expect much more than a bit of paradise.
I have to admit I let myself go a bit too far. I never thought I could say so many words about making love and that those words could actually make some sense all together. But I guess it was easier after your lips started running through my neck and your hands broke all the rules and some buttons too... I guess I should shut up now and look for my piece of heaven... Ahh! cheeky!"

Insomnia

2006-06-26T19:57:00.000-06:00

The night comes and I turn off the light. The days go by painfully and there’s nothing I can do but wait. Wait for better days to come, wait to have you in my arms again. Yes! I still dream…
I look at the starts in the ceiling and ask myself: Can you still fly?
An eternity went by since the last time I’ve let myself fly in my dreams. Yes! I dream, but I no longer fly. Wings no longer grow in my back as before, the skies are no longer blue and shinny, there’s no smile or bright.
Another day will come but I stubbornly insist in not falling asleep. I roll myself in bed looking for that little spot that right position to embrace me and let me go to my dreams. I’ve been every where in this bed, turning to the right, turning to the left, belly up or belly down; fetal position, Christ on the cross. I even try to put my head where my feet should be. I go through the same positions over and over again. I feel tired and sleepy but I just can’t sleep!
Sometimes it’s hard to fall asleep without you by my side!
I’ll wait for another day when finally something in me gives up and I find myself dreaming!

After the storm

2006-06-18T13:27:00.000-06:00

After all the tears my eyes are normal again! And my feeling start to find their right place. It's hard to live with our own emptiness, but it's better than living in the misconception of love.
Outside the clouds give the day a break and there are some sunbeams lightenning the grass.
My parents used to tell me: Better on your own than in bad company! But I need people around.
Going out for another day. Maybe a kid's laugh will help me smile!

The end is the begining

2006-06-17T23:58:00.000-06:00

Please tell me it’s gonna be ok, tell me everything will be alright, just fine. Tell me I’ll dream again and I’ll smile when I wake up ‘cause you’re there by my side. Tell me this pain will end and the tears will stop dropping and my nose will stop running. Tell the future is bright and shinny, tell at least that there is a future!
I pick up the phone and dial number after number in my long list of friends and there’s no one there. I’m alone and lost and hurt and I will have to deal with it all by myself.
I try to see the bright side, I try to see how this can be a beginning but the tear in my eyes don’t let me see straight. And the clouds… all those clouds…
I have no problems in identifying the end… but it’s getting hard to see a beginning!
Why is my life such a bitch!?

Another day!

2006-06-16T22:56:00.000-06:00

My next door neighbour had a party for an Australian that just got into Canada. And since it was just next door, let just get a six pack and spend some time with people and get the fuck out of my room and my thoughts.
There were gay and straight and there was me! So where did I stand?
There were pagans and protestants and Christian catholics! So where did I stand?
I’m more and more the guy that makes the bridge in between. The guy wit the wise words to avoid the huge fight and keep the discussion alive.
Although my life is still a mess and my future as cloudy as ever, I can still find the inspiration to be around people and let ideas flow. I guess the right expression would be: I’m a political and social animal. I need people around me so that when I have something to say there’s someone to listen. So of course I hate to be ignored, I can’t stand being ignored!
I’m proud of myself! I had my hand in a joint and I said no! I had a bunch of alcohol at the table and I managed to stay sober! I had a neverending night ahead and I’m home! I managed to control myself, gain control of myself and do what I really want to do and not just what I feel like doing!
Am I getting old and responsible or just getting control of myself again?
It’s funny how I manage to do the most amazing things even when the world around me seems to collapse.
Whatever the future hold for me I have to say that today I’m proud of myself!

My days, My love! Our love? Our life?

2006-06-08T19:26:00.000-06:00

"Another morning and that means less one day to see you again!
If I don't wake up in the middle of the night with the text message sound or the cell phone ring I always think I could have slept into it. I check both my cells just to be sure. Maybe I left one on silence mode before falling asleep. But no, no surprises this morning.
I lower the level of the alarm clock, turn on the TV on the weather channel and chose the appropriate clothes to put on and go outside for the morning smoke. Most of the times the pyjama and the sky blue bath rope is good enough. While I have my smoke the images of waking up by your side, the warmth fills my whole body. I tingle and I like it. It's time to come back and get ready for another day of science or just time killing and pretending to work.
I walk to work with our songs in my ears and I'm thundered by images of us, images of when there was a we. Sometimes I smile. Other times I have to fight against the will to cry. But the shades always helped. I grab my morning coffee and go to the computer room. The possibility of having an email from you made me walk faster than usual.
Sometimes, if I have a text during the night I know I'll have your words waiting for me in the morning. That always cheers my day and I can't help having a smile on my face. Sometimes your words are cold or there're no words at all and even in the most bright spring day I seem to be unable to see the sun and the beauty of the day.
I text you just to let you know I'm thinking about you. Not that I think you don't know that already, but I know how reassuring can be to know someone is thinking about you, even if it is on the other side of the world.
Until I get an answer from you I check my cell phone once in a while (I think I sometimes get a bit too excited and tend to check it almost every 5 minutes, but I always try to have an excuse to do so, so no one realizes I'm expecting anything).
Sometimes your words don't come for hours and I worry. Maybe something happened. I call you and when I can't talk to you and you don't call back I worry even more, I get desperate if I had no text, no email, no answer to the text and no answer to my call. It's painful to see the world spinning and going and there's nothing you can do. Things happen that can change my life and there's nothing I can do except sit and watch and wait. Feel the pain growing inside, feeling my heart breaking into pieces, but just watch.
Eventually I get words from you. In a very lucky day I get to listen to your voice, see you. And if I have the chance to see you or chat with you I speed up my time, speed up my work so that I can be online on time to spend a good couple of hours tricking my brain and feeling you so close...
We talk, sometimes we fight. Lately we fight a lot. It's always because of the same subject. I guess I'm just too possessive about something I don't have. I had, we had something beautiful and I don't want it to end. I believe you still want it too but I don't know, I guess you don't know either.
I'm home or I just walk home. I know I'll have an email back and I can't wait for that and for those wonderful minutes I spend writing you back, still smelling your skin, still hearing your laugh, still feeling your warmth.
I painfully look at the clock so that the time to sleep comes and another day goes by.
I text you and wish you a great day so that you can have a smile on your face. I just love the way you look when you are happy and smiling!
It's time to sleep. I close the doors and turn of the lights. There are dreams waiting for me!"

Birds and barbeque

2006-06-01T23:15:00.000-06:00

It’s amazing how birds can still sing when it’s almost 10 pm. How they happily sing and their voices come through my opened window and fill my room of joy and sunshine.
When your day goes bad and according to Murphy’s Laws, there nothing like taking the chance you are given of doing something completely out of the schedule.
So me and my roommates decided to have a barbeque and all in a sudden we had more food than we could eat. So their parents and other family came over and we had the barbeque and a wonderful time in the back yard, chatting and eating and drinking what became my speciality in here: Sangria!
So after an awful day where all that could go wrong really went wrong I managed to have a really good time and have a smile now, that the day ends and the melodies of the birds still cheer me.
When will I smile again by no apparent reason?

It's been a while

2006-05-31T20:41:00.000-06:00

It’s been a while since I allowed the words to grow in my finger tips. Many things changed in the mean time and I guess that writing in English is one of them.
I could go extensively from the snow that melted to the crazy sun that burnt and finish in our days where the rain still shows up and the summer is coming back again.
Many things are still changing and the uncertainty of the future makes wander through my days with no plans for tomorrow. I still have dreams, dreams that make me smile when the sun is up and hurt so much when the moon brings me the peace of the night and I alone face my own dreams.
Every day is a battle, every day I feel like the world can come to an end and there’s nothing I can do to help it. But every day ends with more pain and every day ends with a little but more ice covering my heart. Every day I walk away one step more, but I don’t know where am I walking to.
Some days I’m just as grey as the skies and if it rains I have no need to cry. But then the sun comes and I smile and I feel like I want to cry. And all these crazy feelings make me feel angry, able to fight every one and every thing.
I wake every day feeling that today is gonna be the day and every night I see it all delayed to the day after and I’ve been feeling that tomorrow will never come and I’ve been living the same day over and over again.
It’s been a while since I was graced with a peaceful day. I don’t think I remember it anymore!
But better days will come, one day…

Neve, neve e mais neve

2006-02-21T21:04:00.000-07:00

Neva ha dois dias quase sem parar!
Um enorme manto branco cobre a cidade e quase parece que o Natal se aproxima, mas quase mais dez meses nos separam de nova epoca natalicia.
Comeco a sentir-me cada vez mais em casa e ao mesmo tempo cada vez com mais saudades de casa. E esta contradicao de sentimentos provoca tempestades dentro de mim. Vale-me o trabalho para deixar de pensar e concentrar-me em algo que exigem 150% de mim e eu aproveito e dou 200%.
As palavras em portugues sao cada vez menos e ate a pensar o faco cada vez mais em ingles, ate amar comeca a ser em ingles...
Apesar de a hora ser de caminha e tv eu continuo no lab ah espera de atingir os 200%.
Vou voltar ao trabalho que nao posso esperar por por as ideias em ordem.

Natal, ano novo e afins

2005-12-28T00:25:00.000-07:00

Começa a ser cada vez mais dificil escrever em português: a caneta não desliza, as palavras não surgem e por vezes ate já me faltam palavras em português.
Começo cada vez mais a diluir-me neste novo país, e apesar de não esquecer quem sou e de onde venho, começo a ter o ar desta cidade entranhado no pele, nos pulmões...
O meu primeiro natal fora de casa lá se passou, e não estou neste momento depressivo e perdido muito graças ao portuguese que aqui conheci e que me acolheram no natal como se de família se tratasse.
Estes são os pequenos gestos que tornam as pessoas enormes, com grande peso na nossa vida. Não sei o que me espera o futuro, nem em que país esse futuro me espera, mas sei que dificilmente me esquecerei deste natal, por ter sido o primeiro fora de casa e por ter sido o primeiro com este grupo fantastico que aqui encontrei.
O ano novo está também programado para ser com o mesmo grupo, talvez mais alguns ainda, e quase me arrisco que será para mim um ano novo em família...

Frio ou talvez nem tanto

2005-12-07T20:14:00.000-07:00

Escrever num teclado ingles tem destas coisas...
La fora esta frio. Ja esteve mais, mas tambem ja esteve menos. Ca dentro eh que esta quase sempre na mesma...
Mais uma noite no lab, desta vez complementada com estudo. A isto eh que se chama amor ah camisola, ou sera dependencia da sensacao do dever cumprido.
Ha dias, quando nevou abundantemente durante a noite, tudo estava branco durante o dia e uma ideia desabrochou na minha mente: Nao fossem os carros e os predios e parecia que estava no polo norte!
Mas nesses dias em que fazia algumas caminhadas ah neve outra ideia, esta mais poetica fez questao de prevalecer: snow comes to tears in your face!
Dentro de 4 minutos abandono o computador para voltar momentaneamente ao trabalho de laboratorio e depois esperar mais duas horas.
Visto desta forma ate parece um trabalho aborrecido, e na verdade eh!!!
O cronometro apitou, eh tempo de ir.
Talvez neve de novo...

Dezembro veio depressa

2005-12-06T21:38:00.000-07:00

E já estamos em Dezembro, a menos de 20 dias do Natal!
E já estão tantos centímetros de neve lá fora como graus negativos - 20!
E já estou aqui há quase meio ano - mais 8 dias e são cinco meses!
E já nem me lembro dos feriados portugueses - expulsámos os espanhois e nem me lembrei!
E já nem me lembro do teu cheiro pela manhã, nem como é suave o teu murmurar, nem como sabe bem ter-te entre os meus braços!
Mas sei que o teu perfume é o odor do paraíso, e o teu murmurar é a mais bela melodia, e ter-te nos meus braços é abraçar a perfeição!

Compras

2005-12-03T23:57:00.000-07:00

Hoje passei toda a terde naquele que é o maior centro comercial do mundo e até foi interessante ver tanta gente junta.
Já por duas vezes tinha passado algum tempo no dito centro, mas confesso que talvez esteja mais agarrado às compras de rua que se fazem pela Europa for, com ruas e ruas cheias de lojas de um lado e do outro e como tal não fiquei (e ainda não sou) grande fã de centros comerciais. Mas a verdade é que o West Edmonton Mall é uma cidade completa: restaurantes, discotecas, bares, ringue de patinagem no gelo, hoteis, mini-golf, salões de jogos e, espantem-se, praia (sim, leram bem, aquela coisa tem mesmo uma praia lá dentro com ondas e tudo!!!!).
O sítio é mesmo enorme e o mais fácil é perdermo-nos lá dentro e sentirmo-nos tentados a comprar.
Mas é claro que eu gosto de ser do contra e em tanto tempo consegui não comprar nada, principalmente porque não me consegui apaixonar por nada, e aquilo pelo qual me apaixonava apresentava preço proibitivo!!!!
Dps fui a um dos centros comerciais mais pequenos na minha zona favorita da cidade e em dois minutos consegui comprar umas luvas e um gorro pois foi mesmo paixão à primeira vista. Segui-se jantar e depois cinema e agora descontrair para recuperar das temperaturas agradáveis (por volta de -25º).
E assim se passa um sábado numa cidade one quase tudo está branco e que até é bonito, mas se podesse ser um bocadinho mais quente....

A Razão

2005-11-30T19:15:00.000-07:00

Quer queiramos quer não há sempre uma razao para aquilo que fazemos.
Tenho um amigo que diz que tudo o que fazemos tem por base a raiva. E se por um lado ele até pode ter razao e até podemos justificar as nossas acções tendo por base a raiva, a verdade é que hoje escrevo para falar doutras motivaçoes. Escrevo hoje para que nunca caia em esquecimento a pessoa que me fez interessar pela ciência.
Preciso sempre de uns momentos para contar a pianinho (era este o nome que a minha professora de escola primaria dava quando contavamos pelos dedos) para poder ser preciso no que conto. Mas dizia eu, corria o ano de 1995 (ou seria de 1994?). Mas para a história o ano pouco interessa. Estava eu no meu 8º ano de escolaridade quando me dava por feliz e contente por não ter professora de biologia que já ia na 2a baixa consecutiva quando de repente alguém (a directora de turma) nos diz que íamos ter um professor substituto.
O professor tinha seguramente mais de 1,80 m, e usava barba bem aparada. Apresentou-se como António Paulo Salgado e não sei precisar quando foi, mas facilmente ganhou o nosso respeito (e não éramos uma turma fácil).
Biologia ganhou uma vida nova, e de repente o rapaz que tinha crescido a querer ser jogador da bola, policia e advogado, passou a achar que a ciência tinha muito mais interesse.
Um dia ele convidou-nos para o irmos visitar à Faculdade de Medicina da Universidade de Coimbra onde ele fazia investigação.
E foi com gosto que eu e mais 5 ou 6 colegas subimos o quebra costas, vindos da Escola Poeta Manuel da Silva Gaio, e nos dirigimos ao segurança na entrada principal e perguntámos pelo professor António Paulo Salgado.
Ele demorou a chegar e eu não podia esperar, pelo que nunca tive a oportunidade de ver onde era o laboratório onde ele trabalhava, mas a partir desse momento nunca mais pensei noutra coisa que não fosse ir para uma area científica.
Depois de 6 anos na Universidade, foi preciso ir para o estrangeiro para me voltar a lembrar de como aqui vim parar e finalmente descobrir que em Março de 2000 o meu Professor, António Paulo Salgado, morreu num acidente de viação.
Tive 6 meses para lhe agradecer, e agora que finalmente o iria fazer, existe apenas um rebento para me ouvir.
Não há moraç da história, não existe conclusão, apenas uma sensação de perda que nunca tinha sentido antes com alguém com quem tive tão pouco contacto. Mas acho que estaria (está) orgulhoso por ter mudado a minha vida e me ter indicado o caminho para a felicidade!

Reviver o passado

2005-11-22T21:22:00.000-07:00

Para quem estava numa de contar como foi a transiçao e ja não escrevia há muito tempo, devo dizer q dois posts em dois dias parece-me muito bom.
Volto ao passado, mas no fundo o que tenho é saudades do futuro. Desejo que o tempo passe depressa para voltar a encontrar a felicidade nos meus braços, seja neste país ou noutro qualquer canto do mundo.
Ouço sons de um passado muito distante. Seguramente mais de 7 ou 8 anos passaram desde que pedi uns CD's de Bush emprestados para levar de fárias para a Figueira.
Vivia entao o Verão da minha vida, verão que começou em desepero e ao mesmo tempo crença, e um dia por capricho acabou por me dar felicidade às mãos cheias. Não uma felicidade de supermercado, mas uma felicidade de maratona, ou de montanhismo, foi e é uma prova de resistência, cheia de obstáculos, mas cada passada torna mais próxima a meta, cada dia que passa é menos um dia de espera, cada abstáculo ultrapassado dá ainda mais sabor a cada segundo partilhado.Talvez um dia seja louco o suficiente para usar estas palavras como definição de amor, mas hoje estou demasiado apaixonado para pensar nessas coisas.
Hoje rendi-me às novas tecnologias e à maravilha que é a webcam!
Mas também tive oportunidade de renovar os meus sentimentos, não no sentido de os substituir, mas no sentido de que tanto tempo depois percebo que ainda sinto o mesmo, com a mesma intensidade, o desejo ainda é o mesmo de quando ainda nem tinha idade para entrar no casino!
Foi preciso ouvir uma música de Bush para largar o que tinha entre mãos e acabar por escrever sobre o que podia ter sido um dia como os outros, se um raio de Sol não me tivesse atingido quase fulminantemente. E eu fiquei feliz por isso!

ena! tanto tempo depois

2005-11-20T21:11:00.000-07:00

E nem sei bem porquê, mas de repente esqueci-me que um dia tinha criado um blog de cronicas, que acabava por ser um companheiro de desabafos.
Desde o último post que tanta coisa aconteceu: mudei o chão que piso e agora tem dias em que a neve se põe entre os meus pés e o chão.
Pois é, resolvi agarrar o meu sonho com as duas mãos, fechei os olhos e fui até ao fim, e agora cá estou eu no Canadá a fazer o que gosto, mas longe de quem gosto.
Parece que não se pode ter mesmo tudo.
Enquanto a roupa lava lá em baixo na cave, vou debicando numas uvas sem sementes (onde é que ja se viu uvas sem semente?!?!?!) e preparo-me para me agarrar ao trabalho. Pois é, vida de cientista é chata, mas vida de candidato a cientista ainda é pior: não há feriados nem fins de semana. Mas a verdade é que eu até gosto das coisas assim, e não há nada melhor que um laboratório vazio, sem ninguém por perto para chatear, e aquilo é tudo nosso: o nosso ritmo de trabalho, o nosso volume da nossa musica!
Talvez dedique os próximos posts a descrever o choque cultural que vivi ao vir para aqui: aquelas pequenas coisas que só um cientista repara, e se juntarmos o candidato a cientista com o candidato a poeta/escritor, entao muito há para escrever.
Só para aguçar o apetite aqui fica um bocadinho do que vivi hoje.
Fui para a baixa da cidade ter com uns colegas (andamos todos com a mania que somos escritores) para escrever. E para lá chegar tenho de apanhar o metro e o autocarro.
Ao contrário da maioria das cidades (acho eu) por aqui não é bem na periferia que estao os bairros degradados, é mesmo no meio da cidade, na Downtown, ao lado dos grandes edifício de negócios estao casas a apodrecer, edificios de apartamentos muito mal tratados e, é claro, os armazens abandonados.
Nesta zona da cidade andar de autocarro é uma odisseia por vários motivos:
1º o autocarro pára cada 40 segundos quase;
2º nunca vi motoristas de autocarro tão simpáticos. Falam com toda a gente e são mesmo atenciosos;
3º é um acumular de gente estranha... Hoje, por exemplo, estava uma senhora sentada atrás do motorista. Devia rondar os 60 e passou a viagem toda a choramingar; de frente a ela um homem que ultrapassava os 100 kg de certeza mandava charme a uma sra dos seus 60s tb que desfiava pedaços de lã para acalmar (palavras dela). A certa altura entra uma sra por volta dos 50 com voz de catarro e a falar sozinha. No banco ao meu lado um septuagenario apático e hirto vegetava.
E entao se tentarem andar de metro durante a semana dps das nove da noite... é mais ou menos o mesmo.
Mas no fundo até que gosto desta cidade. Por vezes quase me sinto Edmontonian, tal é a diversidade que por aqui há...

depois do sol as nuvens

2005-04-29T06:49:00.000-06:00

nem sempre me apetece escrever, nem sempre a inspiraçao vem, e neste momento não há inspiração que me valha.
Depois do sol de ontem o céu fica cinzento, uma breve brisa sopra.
Um dia como os outros para a minha confusão

Difícil a vida de um poeta

2005-04-04T09:19:00.000-06:00

Preso a musas que me soltem as palavras, acabo por ficar refém deste meu vício que é a escrita, e ao mesmo tempo refém das mulheres e das paixões que me estimulam as palavras.
E que faço então quando o meu coração rejeita as mulheres que me envolvem e as memórias de amores passados já estão tão gastas que todas as palavras são iguais???
Pois bem, NADA!!!
Espero calmamente por uma alma caridosa que consiga ter um sorriso diferente capaz de acordar o meu coração, ou então uns olhos magníficos, ou um feitio fodido que me acorde. Mas se nada disso resultar fico-me pelo corpo escultural e escrevo textos ordinários a que carinhosamente chamo "Monólogos da Lua" - tentativa de textos pseudo-eróticos.
Puta de sorte ter virado poeta e ainda por cima com a mania que escrevo bem.
Pois bem, o sol foi-se apesar de até estar calor. A chuva também não dá sinais de vida. E se nem o tempo ajuda, como hei-de eu escrever o que quer que seja apenas apaixonado por duas mulheres tão diferentes como o Sol e a Chuva????

sentir mais qualquer coisa

2005-02-07T07:32:00.000-07:00

Nota: estou a escrever num teclado em ingles, por isso...

Quando a nossa vida estagna, achamos pouco provavel que alguem que conhecemos ha bastante tempo seja capaz de nos surpreender. Mas por vezes eh isso que acontece, sao esses momentos que nos fazem ver o quanto errados estamos, como por vezes as nossas solucoes sao meras fugas, o objectivo nao eh compreender mas sim fugir do passado e das recordacoes o mais depressa possivel.
Mas de que falo eu?
Falo de um sonho: ser pai e ter uma familia. Falo de esquecer um sonho quando morre uma paixao. Falo de reviver esse mesmo sonho, sentindo-o real, e de descobrir que estes dois ou tres ultimos anos mais nao foram que uma mentira. Falo de reencontros, de amor, de paixao, de missoes impossiveis e mesmo assim de todo o caminho ate que esse sonho se concretiza. Falo de mim e de ti!
Para quem ja tem filhos aquilo que falo mais nao eh do que o dia a dia de qualquer pai. Mas para alguem como eu, que apesar de saber o que eh o amor e amar, e o que eh sofrer por amor, mais nao quero do que ser feliz hoje e agora, sentir-me pai foi algo que deu uma nova cor, uma nova melodia, uma nova paz e vontade de viver que ate agora nao conhecia e julgava mesmo ser incapaz de tais sentimentos.
Compreendo agora que apesar de me achar curado de uma dor de amar tao forte, que ate a respirar doia, a verdade eh que nunca estive curado, a verdade eh que o primeiro amor dura para sempre, a verdade eh que o verdadeiro amor eh eterno, a verdade eh que amo da mesma forma como sempre amei, a pessoa, o sorriso, as lagrimas.
Pois bem, apesar de todas estas palavras, talvez nao esteja a fazer sentido, mas a confusao dentro de mim eh tal que nada do que faco ou penso pode ter sentido.

Está um sol....

2005-01-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

Está sol como se fosse verão.
Ouço maroon 5: "Sunday morning the rain is falling"
Se olhar pela janela apenas vejo mais janelas e telhas, um uma faixa geometricamente limitada de céu azul.
Coimbra está bonita, mas no entanto o melhor seria dizer que coimbra está na mesma, talvez um pouco mais velha, talvez apenas conservada para a idade que tem. É, no fundo, a minha Coimbra de sempre, mas agora com as ruas da baixinha mais vazias e as caras mais tristes.
O negócio está mau, dizem uns, enquanto que outros se limitam a fechar os negócios de uma vida inteira.
Não é fácil ser-se português em Portugal, mas como será ser português no estrangeiro? Alemanha, sem perceber alemão, em França sem perceber puto de francês, na Suécia, sem perceber corno de sueco e as suecas lá tão alto...
Estamos destinados a deixar a nossa marca pelo mundo fora: primeiro descobrimos o planeta em que vivemos, depois invadimos meio mundom à procura de melhores oportunidades de vida, de dinheiro, e de paz em relação à ditadura; agora levamos a nossa sabedoria e colocamo-la ao dispor de instituições estrangeiras, mas no fundo também este conhecimento, o científico, aderiu à globalização, e de certa forma um descoberta fantástica no Burundi vai sempre afectar-nos e contribuir para uma melhor qualidade de vida.

Por hoje chega,
Até um dia destes